Jones' Jarbs
... Things to say
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
100. J.A.R.B - Dreaming
I had a dream the other day. I was walking along some country road, talking to Natalie. And although I can't remember what it was that I said, or what it was that happened, all I can remember of that dream is the feeling that came from it. Somehow, all of my problems became insigificant. Something perfect had happened, something to take away all of my cares. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. It's not that my problems weren't there, it's not that i simply didn't care about them, but it was that one thing, that made them all look so small. Maybe it was only the stars I was walking below that made me feel, so tiny. And maybe it was simply the person I was walking beside, who made me feel, so safe.Somehow, my troubles seemed to shrink one size, maybe two; or five. But the real truth is that it was only a feeling. Only a feeling that managed to make it all go away. Only a feeling, to do so much. They drive us, take us places. They make things make sense, and make things equally confusing. They take and they give, change and stay the same. Feelings can be awkward, and feelings can be beautiful. Feelings can be anything you want, but you can't change the fact that you should always follow your heart. And let those emotions, let it be lust, hate, regret, sorrow, grief, happiness, excitement, or love, drive you to places you may never have been before. Always follow your heart, no matter what logic tells you.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this one, my hundredth word of advice to all who find themselves reading this. I guess, within this post, and every one before it, and every one that shall come after it; there lies a feeling. One that I hope you can easily find. And maybe, with any luck, you'll follow it aswell. To wherever it may take you. An old friend, or somewhere completely new.
“How we feel a surge of love for a partener but we don't say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship."
- Jones posted this bad boy on 3:15 PM | View comments | |- 
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Gone
Goneback the 22nd.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 8:41 PM | View comments | |-
99. J.A.R.B - Memoirs of a Geisha.
I’ve been reading the book “Memoirs of a Geisha” by Arthur Golden. It’s a very good book about the life and times of a geisha named Chiyo. “Geisha” the word, simply means artist. And that’s what they were; artists of conversation, of music, dance, and beauty. Geisha entertained men at teahouses, basically party houses, except more formal. This particular geisha has gained a great understanding of the world around her in general, with some top-notch metaphors. And here they are; quotes from the book.I'll be gone from the 9th until the 22nd, so i'm leaving you with a long one. To satisfy all of your Jarbing needs.
These are from the Pre-geisha days, when Chiyo was just a slave.
- “Was life nothing more than a storm that constantly washed away what had been there only a moment before, and left behind something barren and unrecognizable? I’d never had such a thought before. To escape it, I ran down the path until the village came into view below me.”
- “He lived in a world that was visible, even I it didn’t always please him to be there. I knew he noticed the trees, and the mud, and the children in the street, but I had no reason to believe he’d ever taken notice of me.”
- “That night while lying on my futon, I tried to picture the whole confusing situation from every angle to persuade myself that things would somehow be all right.”
- “I felt as a sore rock must feel after a waterfall has pounded on it all day long.”
- “Yet somehow the thing that startled me most, after a week of two had passed, was that I had in fact survived. I remember one moment drying rice bowls in the kitchen, when all at once I felt so disoriented I had to stop what I was doing to stare for a long while at my hands; for I could scarcely understand that this person drying the bowls was actually me.”
- “Couldn’t the wrong sort of living turn anyone mean?”
- “But I had no time to waste being afraid.”
- “Despite the moonlight, I could see only a sheet of blackness.”
- “I can’t imagine any package that can save a girl from slavery; I had trouble imagining it even then. But I truly believed in my heart that somehow when that package was opened, my life would be changed forever.”
- “I never did manage to reach the house in these fantasies; perhaps I was too afraid of what I would find there, and in any case, it was the trip along the path that seemed to comfort me.”
- “We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course.”
- “I was living only half in Gion; the other half of me lived in dreams of going home. This is why dreams can be such dangerous things: they smoulder on like a fire does, and sometimes consume us completely.”
- “I had been sent to wash some rags one afternoon, when a moth came fluttering down from the sky onto my arm. I flicked it off, expecting that it would fly away, but instead it sailed like a pebble across the courtyard and lay there upon the ground. I didn’t know if it had fallen from the sky already dead, or if I had killed it, but it’s little insect death touched me. I admired the lovely pattern on its wings, and then wrapped it in one of the rags I was washing and hid it away beneath the foundation of the house.”
- “Why, it’s too pretty a day to be so unhappy.”
These quotes are from Chiyo’s days as a Geisha. Her new geisha name becomes “Sayuri”
- “We human beings are only a part of something very much larger. When we walk along, we may crush a beetle or simply cause a change in the air so that a fly ends up where it might never have gone otherwise. And if we think of the same example, but with ourselves in the role of the inset, and the larger universe in the role we’ve just played, it’s perfectly clear that we’re affected every day by forces over which we have no more control than the poor beetle has over our gigantic foot as it descends upon him. What are we to do? We must use whatever methods we can to understand the movement of the universe around us and time our actions so that we are not fighting the currents, but moving with them.
- “We all know that a winter scene, though it may be covered over one day, with even the trees dressed in shawls of snow, will be unrecognizable the following spring. Yet I never imagined such a thing could occur within our very selves.”
- “One afternoon during World War 2, some years after these events I’m telling you about now, and officer took his pistol out of its holster during a party beneath the boughs of a maple tree and laid it on the straw mat to impress me. I remember being stuck by its beauty. The metal had a dull grey sheen; its curves were perfect and smooth. The oiled wood handle was richly grained. But when I thought of its real purpose as I listened to his stories, it ceased to be beautiful at all and became something monstrous instead.”
- “Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less, and one day we wonder what has become of it.”
- “I had the sudden insight that nothing in life is ever as simple as we imagine.”
- “In my day we viewed ourselves as pieces of clay that forever show the fingerprints of everyone who has touched them.”
- “Would I really have to take each of my hopes and put them away where no one would ever see them again, where not even I would ever see them?
- “We were like two wet spots in the midst of burning charcoal.”
- “He was a small man; but keep in mind that a stick of dynamite is small too.”
- “Adversity is like a strong wind. I don’t mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”
- “I felt I was standing on a stage many hours after the dance had ended, when the silence lay as heavily upon the empty theatre as a blanket of snow.”
- “We had given up our past; this was something that I understood fully, for I had done it myself once. If only I could find a way of giving up my future…”
- “Since the day I’d left Yoroido, I’d done nothing but worry that every turn of life’s wheel would bring yet another obstacle into my path; and of course, it was the worrying and the struggle that had always made life so vividly real to me. When we fight upstream against a rocky undercurrent, every foothold takes some kind of urgency.”
- “How curious it is, what the future brings us. You must take care, Sayuri, never to expect too much.”
- “Sometimes,’ he sighed, ‘I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see’”
- “I cannot tell you what it is that guides us in this life; but for me, I fell toward the Chairman just as a stone must fall toward the earth. When I cut my lip and met Mr. Tanaka, when my mother died and I was cruelly sold, it was all like a stream that falls over rocky cliffs before it can reach the ocean. Even now that the Chairman is gone I have him still, in the richness of my memories. I’ve lived my life again just by telling it to you.”
- “It’s true that sometimes when I cross Park Avenue, I’m struck with the peculiar sense of how exotic my surrounding are. The yellow taxicabs that go sweeping past, honking their horns; the women with their briefcases, who look so perplexed to see a little old Japanese woman standing on the street corner in kimono. But really, would Yoroido [her home town, which she was separated from at the age of 8] seem any less exotic if I went back there again? As a young girl I believed my life would never have been a struggle if Mr. Tanaka hadn’t torn me away from my tipsy house. But now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.”
-Arthur Golden.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:06 PM | View comments | |-
Saturday, July 01, 2006
98. J.A.R.B - Breathe
A tear rolled down my cheek, and I could see it just barely out of focus, resting on the tip of my nose; about to drop. And I smiled. Because I knew that no matter how shaken I was, friends would always be there. No matter how far I fell, someone would always be waiting with open arms to catch me. Just to make me smile, because that makes all the difference. They’d be all the kings’ horses, and all the kings’ men, who would come and pick me up after my fall. And maybe, just maybe; they’d be able to put me back together again.And don’t forget to breathe. For it’s the little things that get us by; keep us moving. It’s the hello’s and goodbyes, beginnings, endings; pushing us on.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 9:08 PM | View comments | |-
97. J.A.R.B - A short goodbye
We took chances, risks. We did what we could with what we had left – time. But time, is all gone now.Thanks, to every one of you, all for the same reasons, and all for completely different, individual ones. Thanks for making that time we had left, into good memories.
And when you boil all of these leftover feelings, all of these thoughts unvoiced, and opinions unheard. When you take what we’ve yet to say, what we’ve yet to do; when you take what we have left; and boil it down into these words we use to say the things we try our very best to say. You’re left with one phrase, on word, which somehow manages to say it all, and leaves it up for interpretation.
“Goodbye”.
We’ll meet again someday.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 2:26 PM | View comments | |-
96. J.A.R.B - Questions
I’ve always found myself wondering, “what if I knew it all?” I’ve always wanted to have all of the answers. Know just what the person beside you is thinking. But it came to me the other day, that it’s all of those questions that keep us going. It’s curiosity that makes us human; and it’s that same curiosity, that killed the cat. Sometimes it’s better just to leave it be; but most of the time, we break that rule. Because we just need to know. And, normally, we do end up with the answer. But; as many before me have said, “its the journey that counts”. It’s that suspense, keeping us on the edge of our seats; that pulls us further into the world. Questions summon us into new things, and sometimes we don’t find what we came looking for; we find something better than that. Sometimes love is found while looking for friendship, seas, maybe even oceans, while looking for a glass of water. Sometimes it’s best not to know, because then we have the opportunity to find out.So then, the moral of the story is this: never stop questioning, discovering new things. Never stop wondering, because with wonder, there will always be questions, and answers to go along with them. And in these new opportunities coming our way just about now; all we can do is wonder. Then we can find out.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 2:26 PM | View comments | |-
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Grad Speech
This school has done a lot for me. I was really able to find myself here. I think a lot of us have. But now we’ve new horizons, more opportunities and options, and I think this school has done a perfect job of preparing us for our next step.Change, it’s always happening. It always has been. Life rumbles on; leaving us in its wake. Things we’ve learned; memories, slowly turn into experience; knowledge. I’d like to let you know that you should never lose that knowledge. Never stop remembering. Never forget all of these great times we’ve had. And never lose the person they’ve made you into. Never lose that smile, that laugh. They’re the most important. And always remember those lessons you’ve learned, and the people who taught you them; teacher or not.
We’ve all grown our wings here – now it’s time to fly.
Thanks for the memories, guys.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 11:21 AM | View comments | |-
95. J.A.R.B - Solemly
Solemnly, we’ll talk of past times, a while from now. Solemnly, we’ll make up rhymes to help us wrap our heads around this change. Solemnly, we’ll all realize what just happened.On outing day, as we made our way down to my old hometown; Niagara-on-the-lake, memories rushed through my head. I thought of all of those good time I’ve had there; none of the bad stuff. And it came to me, just about right now; that next time I travel up ninth line, see the school again, even more good memories shall come to mind. I’ll think of how this school changed me, all of the people I loved hanging out with, and all of the teachers who taught me more than just words and numbers.
I think that’s the beauty of the human mind; we always manage to keep the good. We always manage to keep the good habits we’ve made, and lose the bad. We can hold on, but we always manage to let go; fly away, into new frontiers. Because we can always remember; I know you’ll never forget.
So, years from now, when you see an old picture lying around, or travel down a familiar road, be it physical or emotional, try and remember all of the good times passed with those good old friends from Fern hill School. I know you’ll smile, because I will too.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 11:17 AM | View comments | |-
Friday, June 16, 2006
94. J.A.R.B - Always
Always. Always with the endings; futures. Always changing. Can’t stop the rock. Can’t stop the fact that we’re leaving. This is it; time to face what’s been looming overhead for quite some time now. Falling. I’ll be here to catch you; always.Time to look back at all of those dreams you had. Did you leap? Time to look back on what used to be the best moment of your life. What used to be the best days we’ve ever had. And then we had more. Time to look back on what used to be our future; what used to be our present. Reminisce in the fact that we were there, we’ve done that. Look over those accomplishments. All of the memories, there’ve been a lot. Please don’t tell me this went by “oh so fast”. I think we both know there was more than just talk along the way. More than just words; read between the lines. You should be able to see the love, hate, the laughing, crying. See the tears, see the smiles. See the past, and the future. See those mistakes you made, see the lessons you’ve learned. Look back at who you used to be. See the growth, the beauty that has become of you in these past years. See the good side; for all of our sakes. Please?
Because we care too much to let go. I’ll be sure of that. See those frowns all around? There are smiles to come of them. I’ll try my best to put them there.
Always worrying; that I just may forget. I’ll remember, as long as you do to.
Always.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 2:46 PM | View comments | |-
93. J.A.R.B - Futures
And never forget. Never lose that sense of wonder you’ve held since the start. Never hesitate to ask questions, never stop learning. Hesitate to take that chance; and risk it all, for timing is everything. Never let go; because you can always find something to hold on to. Futures; there’s always something to come next… wonder what?The horizon has been defeated; run wild. Take with you what you know; we’ve got a long trip ahead. All of us, we’re in this together. No matter where we are. No matter where we’re headed. Forget the bad; forgive, Hold on to those you keep dear to your heart. Never forget about the lessons you’ve learned; and the memories of those who taught you. Hold on, there’s a lot to learn from the past. We’ve grown a lot, together. We can help ourselves through this; alongside the good friends we’ve made along the way.
Because really, the only constant is change, life just keeps rolling on. No matter how tough this is, no matter how long you cry; the clock continues ticking. So always jump when given a cliff; always fight when given an opponent; always speak up when given a listener. And when life gives you lemons? Make lemonade.
And when you look up at the clouds, when you watch the tonnes of water pouring down on Niagara Falls rocks; when you stare across the snowy peaks of the Rockies; I hope you remember that the world can forget, I hope you realize how insignificant your problem really is, because the rest of the world doesn’t care. But your friends do.
No time to frown. So smile, we all need it.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 2:44 PM | View comments | |-
92. J.A.R.B - Endings
This world we live in is always changing. One thing ending and another starting. Because nothing stands still anymore. Even the glaciers are moving. Now’s not a time to stand idle. Things are going ahead now; time keeps ticking. You’ve got to do the same. I know I will, have to. The only thing I can see in my way; is getting over the uncertainties. For the past two years my life has been near perfect. Sure; there have been ups and downs, but that’s only normal; changes; are only normal. I look back and I see that through this whole thing; friendships have never been uncertain. I knew someone would always be there for me, no matter who. This is the only thing I worry about. I worry that maybe I won’t fit in at this new school. New people. But then, as I write; I realize that someone will always be listening. This doesn’t change much; just a different setting. I know I’ll still have you guys; no matter how tough things get, we’re still in this together. No matter how far apart, we’re close in a sense that we’re all facing the same storm. And if we bundle up, and hit this head on, we can make it through. At least stay together until skies clear up. Because there will always be brighter days. There will always be the sun above the cloud; all you need to do is fly. The happiness behind the sorrow is the only constant. The only thing that stays the same in this life of ours; it the trusty sun rising once again after all of the dark. There will always be downs, nothing lasts forever; neither does sadness. So carry on, charge ahead; storms die down; I hope your energy never does. Keep on going; I know you can. No matter how hard this is, there’s a beaming sun waiting for us on the other side.And we always have ourselves; so hold on to that too. Never lose yourself; never lose that contagious smile. Never lose the happy laughter. Never lose the person who’s always waiting to have fun. I enjoy that person; hold on to that.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 2:43 PM | View comments | |-
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
91. J.A.R.B - Outcomes
I really thought I'd be crying right about now. But, surprisingly... I'm happy with where I stand. I really thought I’d be speechless. But it seems I’m filled with words of wisdom. I really thought I’d be at a loss. But I’m really smiling. I really think that what I’ve done; is what I wanted to do. I’ve leapt when it was time to jump. I held my tongue when silence was golden. And I yelled when noise was being made. I think I’ve really managed to make the best of this; turns out I really do practice what I preach. But that’s not what’s important. I really thought I’d be sad to see you go; but now I know it was all for the better. I really thought I’d be able to get through this. I think I can, as long as you’re there too. We’ll stay in touch; because that’s what friends do.I realize now that life for me has all been about opportunities. It’s always been about hesitation; a bad habit I got rid of a while ago. It’s all about taking what you have now and making into what you’re going to have in the future. It’s all about holding on. It’s all about letting go. It’s all about timing. It’s all about letting it go. It’s times like these, and times like those. Action; reaction. Cause and effect.
In a sense; life is all about living it. No matter how you choose to.
I really thought I’d need to tell you. So I did.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:34 PM | View comments | |-
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
90. J.A.R.B - Control
And then we lost control, you can’t stop the madness now. Nothing to do but sit back and watch, don’t bother worrying about it. What will happen, will happen. Incoming, duck for cover. Cower with the people who you hold dearest. Don’t let it get the best of you. Hold your tears. We’ve a few more. A few more opportunities. A few more days. A few more friends. Cower in front of this great monster we call change, can’t it just go away? Can’t things stay the same? Leave it nice and boring? Just like it’s always been?But this is what makes us appreciate it. This monster we call change, has caused us all to think of just how happy we are, and have been. This change has shown us just how much we have to hold on to. Never lose touch. Hold my hand; we can make it through this storm, together.
And in the night we’ll wish this never ends.
Can't you wait? Maybe I don't want to go.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 4:30 AM | View comments | |-
Sunday, June 04, 2006
89. J.A.R.B - We'll wish this never ends
And in the night we’ll wish this never ends. I’ll miss you.We’ll wish this never ends; this always happy ending. We’ll wish for just a few more days, where nothing matters; just a few more moments to do those things you’ve always wanted to. Another chance to carry out the dreams you’ve been holding, tell people the things you’ve been meaning to say. Take the opportunities you’ve been waiting for. Just a few more days to make this the perfect time, please? I’ll miss you. And in the night we’ll wish this never ends.
All I want is just one more opportunity to re-build bridges, even if only to watch them fall; a second chance to leave things on a good note.
Last chance. Last change, don’t stop it this time. Nothing to leave bottled up inside, tell those people what you’ve been meaning to say. How you really feel. Please; don’t ever leave yourself asking “what if”. Last chance to throw away all of those regrets. All out; all in, hold on.
And in the night we’ll wish this never ends.
I’ll miss you.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:11 PM | View comments | |-
Friday, June 02, 2006
88. J.A.R.B - Secretly
Secretly; sub-consciously, us humans do a lot. Almost 70% of decisions we make are made without any thought. Feelings are had secretly; sometimes even we don’t know what we desire. It’s that way in which we can do things beyond what we know. We can hurt; we can help, without even knowing it.There’s a lot of power in letting go, and allowing the subconscious drive; at least for a little while. It’s those times when feelings really come out. Chill. You can repeat yourself; as long as it sounds good. Feel the beat. Say things you’d otherwise; and will probably end up, regretting.
So feel without thinking, desire without knowing it. Somewhere deep down, you know what I’m talking about. Think without knowing what to think of it. Pure emotion; without what you think is “right”. Only a few more moments; time to show our cards. Bluff? The real deal, this is it. No more secrets, all out; all in.
So I’ll feel without thinking, desire without you knowing it. Somewhere deep down, just maybe. You’ll find out sooner or later. Closing time, and for once; I’ve got it figured out. No regrets.
So we’ll go ahead and cry, because for once we all feel the same. And for once, we don’t need to pretend.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:37 PM | View comments | |-
Sunday, May 28, 2006
87. J.A.R.B - Reinventing
Every once in a while; we have to step back and assess ourselves. We have to wonder again; who we really are. We always have the memories, but we need to think of what to make of them. Sometimes it’s nice to take it from the start; spend some time to study yourself; wonder what happened to those old habits; maybe even celebrate about all the little things you do, the small things that no one ever really knows.We have to find ourselves again; and we have to find the dream we’ve attached ourselves to.
After being de-railed; it’s important to find where we are; and then we to think back, and wonder where we were going. We need to remember where we were headed; what were we aiming for when we set off to do what we set off to do. What did you want to accomplish; before silly things like desire got in the way? What did we want when we were just wee little ones; when we didn’t know what our limits were? What happened to all of the un-doable dreams? Where did our imagination go?
Every time something changes; we need to change with it. Every time we change; we have to remember to stay the same. Every time we decide to branch off into something new; we have to remember where our roots lay. When we dive; we have to remember which way is up. And when life sets you off on its silly de-tours; we have to remember where we were headed.
Time to look back; is this what you wanted?
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 9:16 AM | View comments | |-
Saturday, May 27, 2006
86. J.A.R.B - Changes
I’ve come to learn; to see, that every big movement, every change in direction our culture takes is caused by some sort of rebellion. Some sort of dream; that is made into and idea. An idea that is shared with people across the world, an idea that is shared; not by the government or any ruling power in particular; an idea that everyone feels is worth achieving.Take; for example, the free love movement. The world was fairly structured and keen on discipline before the hippies came along. The “hippies”, along with their idea of total freedom, changed the world as we know it. By simply causing their generation to believe in something; they changed ideals; and by changing ideals, they changed the way the world goes round. It was in the power of “believing” where they invested their idea; and they, unknowingly, did wonders. People were not driven by money; not by things. They did not want any rewards; other than a different lifestyle. And without thinking; they took that lifestyle up without thinking of their society at the time.
The point is this; when people come together with a singular idea in mind, and follow that idea; a change is made; only when there is something to believe in, rather than just want, things happen. Only when you dream, can you succeed.
Another good thing to mention is that we all have to band together to stop; or start something. Power in numbers, the more voices; the louder they get. When you find yourself saying “one little thing won’t really matter”, you’d be amazed at how wrong you are. Because one person can spread knowledge, one person can tell more people. One person can “spread the faith”, and make a change.
We all have the power to stop the madness that’s happening right now in this world. The genocide in Rwanda; the war in Iraq, Human trafficking, these horrific things; the way our society chooses to look away, can be changed. We’ve got to make a change. It’s time for us as a people to start making some changes. Let’s change the way we think, let’s change the way we treat each other.
You can.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 6:25 PM | View comments | |-
Monday, May 22, 2006
85. J.A.R.B - What you make
We spend so much time in this world trying to understand our place inside of it. I’ve come to the conclusion that; no matter where you are, it’s where you think you are that counts. No matter where you are, it’s what you make of it that matters. If you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere; if you’re going nowhere fast, you can at least enjoy the ride. If you’re at the end of your trip, you can pretend you’re still young and carefree; and you won’t have to worry. When you find yourself in a hole, no matter how you got there, you can at least pretend you’re on top again; and enjoy yourself. Maybe that way, a smile and a good long laugh will bring you up to where you’re mind is. Down on earth; we can pretend we’re astronauts. Up there; we can dream of home. Don’t think twice; it’s alright.
We spend so much time in this world trying to comprehend reality; when really we’re always dreaming. Because when we dream we wish, when we wish we want. When we want we think; and when those thoughts turn into actions; we have progression. Another dream comes in; and we wish, want, think; act. Like the landscape passing outside your train window, we can’t track our every single moment; but we know where we’re headed. It’s the dream that counts, big or small; somehow, we’ll be there soon.
We’ll have the memories to see where we’ve been. The thoughts we can remember thinking; how silly we used to be. So as these days wind down, remember where you’ve been, remember what you’ve made of the last few years. Don’t just remember the moments; remember the dreams that got you there; big or small. Remember the wishes you had, the things you wanted; needed. Remember the thoughts; plans, as they were put into action. Remember how you acted, remember who you were. Remember how you changed, and then you’ll truly know yourself. Never forget; these were the times that made you who you are. These are the dreams you’ll be chasing for quite some time to come. These are the places you’ve been. The things you’ve seen. These are the days you spent in happiness. The dreams you realized. Remember success; remember failure. Remember the rain that made the sunny days seem that much brighter.
But please; don’t cry.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 1:59 PM | View comments | |-
Sunday, May 21, 2006
84. J.A.R.B - Wake up call
And then it hit me. I knew who I had become, typical of me not to make a simple speed check. Thanks for the wake up call. Now I know why. Too much control, too much comfort. Who knew there were spikes underneath all these pillows. Too many nice things; and I thought this would never last. I could get away with it all. Why? Because I had become the person I loathed. I had become exactly what I didn’t want to be; and egomaniac. Let’s take this apart; biopsy on my dying personality. Let’s find it before it gets big. But all I wanted now is the friendships I know now I’ve destroyed, the people I know now I’ve stepped on. All I wanted was some fun. Careful, I’ll watch where I step now; vulnerable. Watch out; they’re aiming at me this time around. Flash; where did the lights go? Hard to see. Where now? What now? Time left, time gone; make it last, make it change. Fix this, getting steeper. What’s wrong; need to know before I hit the ground.
Why am I even writing this? Why would I want to let everyone know I’m a jackass? I don’t even know that. But maybe it’s just because that’s all I have to write about now. Maybe it’s because this document is all I can turn to lately. Everyone’s got their problems; maybe this is just my way of dealing with them? Or maybe it’s because I’d like to let the people around me know that I’ll try my best to change. A few more laughs before we leave here. Maybe it’s because I’d like to let the people who I’ve wronged know now that I’m aware of what I’m becoming. And I want you to know that it’s not something I want to be. This isn’t what I was aiming for. I used to be the victim, now I have become the criminal. I don’t know how, but something went wrong. And I’m going to try my best to fix it. I apologize now for being who I am. I do not want to be this way, and I’ll repeat; I’ll try my best to fix it.
I'm sorry.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 10:52 AM | View comments | |-
Thursday, May 18, 2006
83. J.A.R.B - To myself.
I’ll keep this to myself, no need for you to know. No need for anymore awkward situations; let the good times roll. If only, if only I could say what I’m thinking of every other second, if only there were another chance; better timing. Someday, some moment, could maybe be ours. There was always warmth between us. But please; don’t cry.And really, all I wanted to know was “what if” what if these days had aligned themselves just right; what if there were more of them? We wouldn’t have to undo these knots we spent so much time tying. What if I didn’t have to watch it unravel before my eyes, and sit by; no longer a part of the commotion? What if things had been different from the start? Let’s go back to the start; but let’s not go from there.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:37 PM | View comments | |-
82. J.A.R.B - Sense
A devil in the midnight mass. Hard to make sense of this, because the worst bit was not knowing; where did I go wrong? Back to the start; analyze. Now there’s nothing to regret; this is one risk I’m thankful for. The one risk that’s gonna keep me taking risks. At least now I know. At least now some sense can come out of this. I hate it when things are up in the air.Looking over what I’ve lost. This was glorious; “was”. This was beautiful. Looking over the hope’s I’ve lost. The wishes that won’t ever come true; one last chance. Looking over the friendship that may never be the same; only time can tell. Looking over the time I’ve spent, the memories I’ve won.
So I lay my head back down.
Remember those days? I do. Let’s not forget.
- Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:34 PM | View comments | |-
81. J.A.R.B - Loss
There’s a lot of loss in my world right now. Endings; they had to come sometime, didn’t they? Can’t we make this go on forever; this beautiful limbo? The only difference for this one is the fact that I’m not going to tell myself that I’ll be strong. I promise not to fool myself into believing that I won’t have to cry; the tears will only come harder later. I won’t seclude and feel sorry for myself. But I won’t pretend it’s all going to be okay. I’m going to shed a few tears for this one; better to accept that. Accept; not the fact that we’re leaving, not the fact that this is ending; for I can make this last a little while longer, if only in my head. But accept the fact that it’s a bad thing, and realize that I’ll end up without a smile; for a little while.All I really want right now is for something to come together just right. We can forget about all of the lonely pieces scattered on the ground. Let’s build something; something so strong no matter how fierce the storm, nothing will take it down. We can forget about all of this and rejoice in the fact that we can still re-do this, try once more; last chance; if only for a second.
We can try our best to hold on; but something’s gotta give. We can last long enough as to hold each other as we fall. A lot of loss right now, all I wanted was something to hold on to.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:27 PM | View comments | |-
Saturday, May 13, 2006
80. J.A.R.B - Mad beats
Mad beats. All I know, all I feel. Dance like no one’s watching; even though you know they are. Show your colors. Music pumping, louder. I really like your def jux baby. Original, classy, real; old school; nothing you’ve ever heard. Since we last spoke. Let it out, dance the night away. Wait for that bridge; anticipate, not what you expected. Pump it. “Louder”? Oh no, we’re already going full blast. Let ‘em judge later, move those legs, let’s see you break a sweat; don’t worry about the smell. Hold on to the beat, let it flow, let it sink in; let them move you. Anticipate, just what you wanted. Fade out? That’s a negative; we can keep moving. You can dance, you can sit. You can move; you can rest. You can wait for the right time; or be there the whole way through. Two more dead. Ghostwriter; they can’t tell who’s yelling in the background. But they can hear. Move; don’t plan. “Where’s my snare?”-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:31 AM | View comments | |-
79. J.A.R.B - Work it out.
In revision, review; I’ve found my faults. I’ve said things I’d rather not said; I’ve watched risks flash by. If I had only leapt. I could’ve made it; I think I can. Regrets; we all have them. Pain, maybe there was love, loss, something worth writing about. But all you can do is look back and tell yourself you’ll take the good, leave the bad; but let’s not forget. We can’t wipe the slate clean, and yet; therein, we can learn from our mistakes, see them looming overhead like a cloud holding on to the air you breathe. See them, and wait for sunnier days. They’ll come. Another day; we’ll get this right, if only for one more moment; another chance. If only I knew. Then maybe I’d be able to see these mistakes. Like rain without hint of cloud. Too good to be true? Hold on. We can still have hope. Talk. We can still have conversation.-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:30 AM | View comments | |-
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
78. J.A.R.B - Where now?
So; where to now? I could just practice what I preach, or maybe… try something new? Someplace else… Maybe it’s time to focus. Time to watch this clock run dry? Oh no, time to take every moment; everyday, and exploit it. Bend these laws you call moral. Take time to take it back; I’ve given you my two cents. Ready for 5? Maybe even 78. Twist the manner in which time destroys all; exploit the little sand left in this timer. Watch every piece as it falls, and hold it there for just that moment longer; another chance at this; whatever “this” may be to you. It may just be a shot in the dark; alas, no time to wait for daybreak. The light’s a long way away. It’s going to get worse before it gets better; we’re going to loose it before we come back to a new home, we’re leaving; it’s all too confusing. Time to take a step up, take a step back; and bow. Watch as they throw these flowers; try to decipher those last few words you hear yelled aloud in unison from the mass of people in front of you. We all know you; maybe it’s time for you to get to know us; before it’s too late. Tell me that more friends would just be another thing to loose, but deep down we all know the truth; it’s just another thing to hold on to. And when you dance, dance. Only a few songs left. Who to spend them with? Maybe it’s time to spend a few with yourself. Find your own you before you loose it all over again.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:18 PM | View comments | |-
Sunday, May 07, 2006
77. J.A.R.B - Goodnight moon
Goodnight home. Goodnight drive; you should know you were the only reason I tried. Goodnight to those hopes that never came true. I can let you rest now. Goodnight sad goodbyes, we’ll see you when the day comes.
I never did get that perfect dance; goodnight hopes, desire. Goodnight wish. I never finished that love song. Goodnight neverending moments. Goodnight neverending goodbyes. Goodbye last chance.
Maybe this is for the best. Maybe things will work out well in the end. Thanks for the memories.
Goodnight moon; I’ve a few tears to cry.
- "So, now you're not here. But your ghost; still burns in the air."
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 6:26 PM | View comments | |-
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
76. J.A.R.B - For you
... For you.
It’s all for you. It’s all just to see that smile. It all comes from wonders; gently turning into thoughts. I’ve never been much for statements. Please, read between the lines. And as I quiver while I type, I whisper; and I get nervous that this time you might just hear me. It’s all for you. It’s all for that laugh that lights me up. It’s all for something that I can’t seem to put into words right now. It’s all for that one moment; where fears fade, the lights seem to burn out, and nothing else matters. It’s all for these days spent wishing they would never leave. So please, hold on. Strong enough.
- “As the moon fades, one more night gone, only twenty more days. But I will see you again; a long time from now.”
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 3:21 PM | View comments | |-
Sunday, April 30, 2006
75. J.A.R.B - Just one lifetime
Comin’ home. I’ll be there soon. Wishing for one more moment, one more chance to make this right; perfect. If only there were more time; time spend with you, time to spend wondering just how perfect this could truly be. Just how perfect this is; just a little longer to disprove those people who say perfection is just a dream. Just a little longer? I swear I’ll take just one lifetime. Please spare the goodbyes, we’ll stay in touch. Spare the tears and save the good times. Save these moments, these days. Savor the wind, there’s something special in this summer breeze. And please, save the person who can stop me in my tracks with just a look. Spare the forget-me-nots. You should know by now I’ll always remember you.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 2:52 PM | View comments | |-
Thursday, April 27, 2006
74. J.A.R.B - Spinning
Head spinning, mind tumbling down. Maybe this was the mix up I was looking for; the last thing I wanted. Starting to feel a bit nauseous; just a bit of reassurance could do wonders. Spoiled the mood. Something’s gone wrong. Too much at once. And still I find it in me to write, the only thing to let it out. You tell me all I want to hear, but not what I need. All I need is to pull it together. Just promise me not to show that sword. Please, don’t. Please, make this head stop spinning; tell me there’s somewhere I can relax, somewhere worries wash away. Say there’s nothing more to say, tell me we don’t need conversation. Wipe these tears away; the first I’ve cried in a while. And to be honest, they feel good. Never mind that last bit; I’ll keep them here for a little while. Calmer now, still no sign of what I’ve been waiting for; all well. Maybe someday. Oh! Here we are. Sigh… And on we go. Tears gone now. That was refreshing.
Strong enough.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 4:02 PM | View comments | |-
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
73. J.A.R.B - If only I knew
If only I knew how to say this. If only I knew just what lay ahead of me. If only I knew who would be there for me, so that I could be there for them. If only I knew. If only I knew just what was going to become of me and my personality. If only I knew for sure I’d be able to stay myself, rather than closing off in a place where no one knows my name. If only I knew for sure what was going to happen to us, but only time does. I guess I’ll just play this one by ear. Wing it; hope for the best.
If only I knew what the next move was. If only I knew where to go, in this small space there is left to go. If only I knew. How much of this secret to tell you all. How much of myself to reveal, I’d rather not point out a weakness. If only I knew what it really feels like to be sad. It’d make these glorious days all that much more glorious. If only I knew how to practice as I preach; follow all these rules I’ve set out for myself. It seems I’m lagging. If only I knew how to improve this life of mine, it seems like perfection as it is. I can’t complain, and yet here I am. Wishing there were a flaw; hoping for a hole to drain me of my joys, so that next time I have them so high, I’d be able to really appreciate them. Wishing for something to go wrong, because this seems way to right. If only you knew how painful perfection can be. But please, don’t get it twisted, I’m not asking for a problem, more so that I’m asking for something to want; something more to yearn for. Maybe all I really need is some answers, maybe all I want, is to know. Uncertainty is certainly not something to feel secure around. That just wouldn’t make sense.
If only I could write well enough to say what I mean, not what you think I mean.
Don’t get it twisted.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:27 PM | View comments | |-
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
72. J.A.R.B - What to say?
What to say? We’ve said it all before; Love, lies, bleeding, leaving, reflection but no refraction, regret, response. We could always reflect on what we’ve reflected on, realize how silly we used to be. And then a few years from now, we’ll put it in perspective again, and see how silly we are now. But for now, we can just talk. It seems it’s all I’m good at, so I’ll stick with it. What to say? I love you? I’ll miss you? I’m not so sure… but then again, certainty is certainly not very consistent in these lives we lead. So let’s just tell of the good old days, talk of those times when we didn’t have to worry about a thing. There were always those days when things weren’t as complicated; simple. Yet, simplicity was all we ever wanted. Little did we know; there was so much to want. So for now, let’s remember, desire, devour these memories of broken hearts. And laugh. Because that was then. This is now, tell yourself you’ll live for the moment, but live in the past. Live for the past. Let’s make these days last, and let’s never forget the ones gone by; there will always be a memory to fall back on; for the next time you cry. So, what to say? Not much… just chillin.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:00 PM | View comments | |-
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
71. J.A.R.B - Let's Pretend
Let’s pretend this never happened. Just say we were all good for one more day. Let’s pretend this would continue; as is. Let’s pretend we didn’t need change. Let’s pretend change didn’t need us. These days could go by, over and over. Let’s pretend we wouldn’t get bored. These days would return. These days would return. Repeatedly. Let’s pretend we could seriously take this for a good thing. Who would we be kidding? Let’s pretend it will all get better. Would we really try? Let’s pretend there weren’t so many questions. Would we be satisfied without answers? <--- there goes another one…There goes another one.
Hold on.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 3:57 PM | View comments | |-
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
70. J.A.R.B - Tuesdays with Morrie
I’ve finished the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” recently, and a few lessons, I think, are worth the blog.“Morrie’s doctors guessed he had two years left.
Morrie knew it was less.
But my old professor had made a profound decision, one he began to construct the day he came out of the doctor’s office with a sword hanging over his head. Do I wither up and disappear, or do I make the best of my time left? He asked himself.
He would not wither. He would not be ashamed of dying. Instead, he would make his death his final project, the center point of his days. Since everyone was going to die, he could be of great value, right? He could be research. A human textbook. Study my in my slow and patient demise. Watch what happens to me. Learn from me. Morrie would walk that final bridge between life and death, and narrate the trip.
“The culture we have doesn’t make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it.”
“Amazing” I thought. I worked in the news business. I covered stories where people died. I interviewed grieving family members. I even attended the funerals. I never cried. Morrie, for the suffering oh people half a world away, was weeping. Is this what comes at the end, I wondered? Maybe death is the great equalizer, the one big thing that can finally make strangers shed a tear for one another.”
“‘Mitch, you asked about caring people I don’t even know. But can I tell you the thing I’m learning most with this disease?’
‘What’s that?’
‘The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.’ His voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levine said it right. He said, ‘love is the only rational act’”
“‘Everyone knows they’re going to die,’ he said again, ‘but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently.’
‘So we kid ourselves about death, I said.’
‘Yes. But there’s a better approach. To know you’re going to die, and to be prepared for it at any time. That’s better. That way you can actually be more involved in your life while you’re living it.’
‘How can you be prepared to die?’
‘Do what Buddhists do? Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, ‘Is today the day? Am I being the person I want to be?’
He turned his head to his shoulder as if the bird were there now.
‘Is today the day I die?’ He said.”
“When you learn to die, you learn how to live.”
“‘Mitch,’ he said, laughing along, ‘even I don’t know what ‘spiritual development’ really means. But I do know we’re deficient in some way. We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don’t satisfy us. The loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted.’
He nodded toward the window with the sunshine streaming in. ‘You see that? You can go out there, outside, anytime. You can run up and down the block and go crazy. I can’t do that. I can’t go out. I can’t run. I can’t be out there without fear of getting sick. But you know what? I appreciate that window more than you do.’
‘Appreciate it?’
‘Yes. I look out that window every day. I notice the change in the trees, how strong the wind is blowing. It’s as if I can see the time actually passing through that window pane. Because I know my time is almost done, I am drawn to nature like I’m seeing it for the first time.’
He stopped, and for a moment we both just looked out the window. I tried to see what he saw. I tried to see time and season, my life passing in slow motion. Morrie dropped his head slightly and curled it toward his shoulder. ‘Is it today, little bird?’ he asked. ‘Is it today?’”
“‘What I’m doing now,’ he continued, his eyes still closed, ‘Is detaching myself from the experience.”
‘Detaching yourself?’
‘Yes. Detaching myself. And this is important – not just for someone like me, who is dying, but for someone just like you, who is perfectly healthy. Learn to detach.”
He opened his eyes. He exhaled. ‘You know what the Buddhists say? Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent.’
‘But wait,’ I said. ‘Aren’t you always talking about experiencing life? All the good emotions, all the bad ones?
‘Yes.’
‘Well, how can you do that if you’re detached?’
‘Ah. You’re thinking, Mitch. Bet detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.’”
“In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right?’
His voice dropped to a whisper. ‘But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well.”
“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” – Gandhi
“Love is how you stay alive, even after you die.”
“In the south American rainforest, there is a tribe called the Desana, who see the world as a fixed quantity of energy that flows between all creatures. Every birth must therefore engender a death, and every death bring forth another birth. This way, the energy of the world remains complete.
When they hunt for food, the Desana know that the animal they kill will leave a hole in the spiritual well. But that whole will be filled, they believe, by the souls of the Desana hunters when they die. Were there no men dying, three would be no birds or fish being born. I like this idea. Morrie likes it, too. The closer he gets to good-bye, the more the more he seems to feel we are all creatures in the same forest. What we take, we must replenish. ‘It’s only fair’ He says.”
“Forgive yourself, forgive others. Don’t wait, Mitch. Not everyone gets the time I’m getting. Not everyone is as lucky.”
“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 3:40 PM | View comments | |-
Monday, April 10, 2006
69. J.A.R.B - Talk, Time.
Time’s moving faster now, catch every phrase thrown your way, and let’s not forget about the important ones; another “I love you” spiraling away in the wind is something to fuss about.
Time’s leaving now, what to do… Time’s leaving now… where to go. When the future seems so uncertain; we’ll have to make up our minds on this one. It seems there’s some thinking to do ahead, but please, think aloud; for I wish to cherish these last words, these last thoughts. Time’s getting to my head. There’s so much to talk about, let’s not tell each other we won’t be talking soon, instead; let us talk. Let’s spend these days and nights wasting away our time. But let’s waste it with you, me, with her, with him, with them. Let’s see how far we can go without realizing we won’t be able to go any farther. You never know, this could go on forever. But only if we forget about the endings; forget about all the sad bits and just talk. Leave those worries at home, we don’t need them here. Forget about the endings, the sad goodbyes, the never-ending hugs, and make that metaphor spring to life. Let’s leave this class knowing we don’t really have to say goodbye to each other, for we’ll stay in touch. We won’t have to ask how life’s been 20 years from now, we’ll know. We’ll know. But enough about the future, I have no idea what I’m talking about there… Hopefully I’ll make the right choices. Maybe there is a “for sure” mixed in here with all these maybes. Maybe I really do have someone, something to rest my head against.
Say we’re fine.
Say we’re tough enough, strong enough,
My love"
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:42 PM | View comments | |-
Saturday, April 08, 2006
68. J.A.R.B - Perfection
A lot of work in today’s world is wasted on perfection. I say wasted because perfection is not what anyone’s really looking for. Imagine the “perfect” person. Imagine trying to get along with someone without a flaw; imagine trying to be comfortable around a person who’s never had a bad day. Imagine trying to relate to them. I think truly beautiful people are far from perfect, and in that way they are. It’s the little things you do, and the little things you do wrong that make you into you. It’s the small things, like a little strand of hair always out of place, or a crooked smile, that really set someone apart from the crowd. It’s the way we silently speak, the way we know we’ve gone too far, but don’t do anything about it, that makes us into who we’re becoming. It’s the way we deny change and try to hold on, even though we know there’s no chance; that makes us human. It’s in that way that we become the person we are. Not the person we want to be. It’s all in the little things you do and do wrong, that make me smile; because that’s you, and no one else.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 8:03 PM | View comments | |-
Sunday, April 02, 2006
67. J.A.R.B - Springtime
Springs back, but I miss the thunderstorms. I miss the soft rain pitter patting on my window, trying so desperately to get in. I miss fighting it, but I don’t miss that once, just once, when I let myself get wet. Spring’s here, but I miss the thunder clapping from above. I miss the lighting striking off in the distance, and counting seconds to see how far off the storm was. When I reached 12 seconds, I would tell myself there was nothing to fear. But underneath it all, I knew, those drops were falling right on my forehead. Springs here, flowers are blooming. But I miss those days I spent without color; without them, spring wouldn’t seem so vibrant. Spring’s here, the birds are chirping. But I miss those times I spent laying in silence, thinking of how nice it would be, just to hear some music. Those days make these ones appear so deep, so rich; loud. Spring’s here, It’s warm out now. But I miss those days I’d spend warm and cozy, knowing nothing could touch me. I felt so comfortable those days. It’s spring now, those thunderstorms are bound to return. And I can’t wait to anticipate more days like these. Please, don’t cry.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:28 PM | View comments | |-
Thursday, March 30, 2006
66. J.A.R.B - Where no one knows your name
There’s a certain freedom of a place where no one knows your name. Because it’s a grand ability to do as you wish. There’s a certain enjoyment in knowing the next thing you do won’t matter. No one knows your name. No one will remember this. It’s a grand feeling to know that your actions can come without a reaction. Defy physics; that should be fun. No one knows your name, but they’d remember that. Do exactly what they tell you isn’t to be done. You can judge your own thoughts, your own words this time. You can tell right from wrong. Right from left. Can’t you? Or did you just cross the line… All well. They don’t know your name, they won’t remember this. But you will. Speak out and be heard. Play the tape back when you’re done. Do you know your name? Or is it time to find out, before no one knows?
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:13 PM | View comments | |-
Saturday, March 25, 2006
65. J.A.R.B - This one's just another rambling blog
It all seemed to be coming together. Problems were being solved. You’re there. Mellow song in the background, thinking of this; of new things that I’m now comfortable with, life was taking shape. I’ve convinced myself that high school will be fine. I’ll learn, and as long as we stay in touch, I’ll still be able to feel a lot of what I’ve called home for the past two years. And only two, but wow… seems like forever. I’ve made my best friends here; I found myself here. I met you here. I don’t want to leave; but who does. It’s the little things I’m gonna miss. The smiles every day, the waves down the hall. But hey, change can be good. I feel that I’m breaking out of these rules that have been set before me, maybe just a little bit. I’m changing; I like it.
The world is changing, as it always does. In fact; the only constant thing in life is change. And all of a sudden I just felt really good. That was a good change. This time it was for the better. Its closing time; and I know who I want to take me home. – Happy birthday.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 9:42 PM | View comments | |-
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
64. J.A.R.B - Wing it.
I decided to throw the plan away. I was too good for that plan. No pre-set rules were going to get in me way. I’m wingin this one. Think it up on the way; it’ll be more fun that way. Let the words come to my mouth as I’m speaking. Let them leave without a thought. I’ll act before I let myself think of the consequences. I’ll let myself fly without realizing I’ve no wings. Judge the moment, feel the moment. Make the moment. Rush past the bad moment, we didn’t come here for the bad part. Leave those thoughts behind. Don’t assess; act. Don’t think; just do. Do whatever you feel. Feel whatever you do. Don’t think it. Wing it. Carry out all those dreams you dreamed; but never realized. Do all those things you promised yourself you’d do. But don’t think about it. There’s probably a reason you haven’t done it yet. Wing it.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 8:11 PM | View comments | |-
63. J.A.R.B - Please, don't cry.
Soon we will be without a home. But please don’t cry. We’ll all find new ones, and maybe, if we all try hard enough, we’ll be able to hold on to this one; for just a little bit longer. And maybe, in that little bit longer, we’ll be able to come to terms with this; and make the best of it. Please, don’t cry. Please, don’t leave this place in tears. Don’t leave this place thinking of the bad days; don’t leave this place without anything to leave. Instead, live. Life has always been there for us; waiting. Please, don’t cry. Accept what you’ve done here, take it in, but don’t stop; keep going. Don’t leave this place thinking of leaving; laugh instead. Make more memories while we still have the time. And please, don’t cry. Please, don’t try and tell yourself this isn’t happening; it is. Don’t tell yourself that it’ll all be ok; we’re all going to suffer here. But the faster you realize that, the faster you can forget the pain. But please, don’t forget about the good times you had, don’t move on too fast, we’ve still got time. Please, don’t cry. Most of all; don’t forget you. Never forget the person that this place has made you into. That person is a great one. Never forget who you are, because it is then when you are truly lost. Never forget the hands that molded you into you, never forget the moments that formed the ones to come. Never forget the times you turned your back to the crowd. That was when you really found out who you were. Who you are. Never let yourself become something that isn’t true. Nobody likes a faker; as nobody likes a cheater. And please; never forget me; I won’t forget you. Don’t cry.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:30 PM | View comments | |-
62. J.A.R.B - The five people you meet in heaven.
Another book, and, not quotes this time, but lessons.
The first lesson; we are all connected. “That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind. […] The human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone; it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed.”
The second lesson; sacrifice. “Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. A mother works so her son can go to school. A daughter moves home to take care of her sick father.”
The third lesson; forgiving. When you don’t forgive, when you don’t forget, you’re stuck. It stops you from moving forward, because you’re still blaming something else for your own problems.
The fourth lesson; love. “Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.”
“Life has to end,” she said. “Love doesn’t.”
The last lesson. You can always re-pay; you can always make it up. No matter what you have done, there is always some way to make it better. Never give up on a friendship, because there is no deed unforgivable. Never let go of something you hold dearly, even if it’s too tattered to hold on to, there is some way to re-build it. In life and in death, there is never a total loss.
- Views from “the five people you meet in heaven” by Mitch Albom.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 4:30 PM | View comments | |-
Saturday, March 18, 2006
61. J.A.R.B - Three Day Road - Brace yourself; this one's the longest Jarb on record.
Well then, another novel finished, and, I’ve managed to not post any of the quotes for half of it. So here’s half a book’s worth of interesting little moments.
- “He is disappearing in front of my eyes, sitting across the fire with a blanket over his shoulders, the smoke causing him to shimmer. I feed him with my story instead. He’s listening, I think, his eyes staring at the water.”
- “I couldn’t move. That’s when it dawned on me that maybe I wasn’t the hunter anymore.”
- “Words. The rumors fall like rain here.”
- “I can see how the men are quite even though they now have a day to themselves without worry of dying.”
- “But here Elijah is something more than just a bird, something more than the rest. Bigger and yet still more slight. Invisible.”
- “The only cure is time”
- “The only sight at The Brickfields that is not depressing is straight up in the air. Despite the wreck of the world below, the birds continue to fly above as if nothing has changed.”
- “You must realize once more, Nephew, that in this world of hardship we must grasp the moments that are offered to us.
- “The not-knowing was a strange relief.”
- “I smiled at this story, my first smile in months, it seemed. For the first time in a very long time I felt sure now of my next move.”
- “They are not good from concealing thoughts from their faces.”
- “I can’t worry, me, about what I can’t control.”
- “It is the wrong time for melancholy, it will ruin his mood, and so he straps his rifle on his back and makes his way out the window of the tower and onto the ledge.”
- “The quite is unsettling”
- “I look around at the ruins and wonder if this place will ever heal”
- “The booms of the guns sharp in the cold air.”
- “I watch the raiders slip from the trench and get eaten by the night.”
- “The cruelty of living and dying can be astounding.”
- “I stared at the wound for days, watched as blood seeped through the white bandage, life leaking out of me in a trickle. Maybe it was then that I decided to die.”
- “My mind could not focus on the field, and that is dangerous when what you hunt hunts you as well.”
- “I run my finger along the cold flat metal of a bullet casing and wonder what is happening all around me.”
- “The world explodes around me, shells landing fifty and a hundred yards ahead, wreaking the German line. I order my mind to drift, to shut down, but it will not.”
- “For a second I wonder if this will be the last morning of my life.”
- “The whole earth is on fire in front of me, exploding in huge fountains of mud and fire. I can feel the rumble below me, through me, swallowing me.”
- “I think that in a little while no one will be left but me. The world has gone almost silent in my head but for a deep hum and what sounds like the faraway surge of waves crashing on a beach and then pulling away. I try not to think, but a memory of me playing on the muddy shore of the great salt bay comes to me, a presence near me, my watchful aunt protecting me. You, Niska. I don’t know why I think of you now as bullets zing by my head so close that they whisper to me. One cuts through my coat and I can feel my side burning. I think I have been shot but the pain is almost absent, just an annoying bite. I begin to mouth your name over and over, like a protection against the bullets. Niska, I whisper as I run up the hill and approach a stretch of barbed wire. Niska. Niska. Niska. Niska. Niska. I realize as I stumble and fall to my knees that the sound of the waves crashing in my head is my own breathing.
- “The men around us stare at me as I stand up and walk away. Me, I won’t let them forget who I am.”
- “It is like a game to him, but behind his friendly smile burns an obsession that is frightening. I fear many things in this place, but I do not want to fear my friend.”
- “A mist rises all around and in the darkness I’m reminded of my first month in this place, when it seemed I’d been thrown into an underworld full of skulls and quick, brutal, death. So much has changed since then. I realize that the place hasn’t changed. It’s me.”
- “The story is not a happy one, but something in me has to tell it.”
- “If Elijah can come back to me, he will help me. We will fight together again, fight against this medicine that consumes us. We will get better together. He will help me overcome the pain and I will help pull him from the war madness that swallowed him whole. Where is he?”
- “A bomb from under a plane screams through the cold air. Then we hear the whomp of splintering wood as it pierces wood and the tiny breath of silence before an explosion.”
- “And still the rain falls and the shells pound and churn the mud. That is my nightmare, to be wounded and in my agony, sinking into the mud to be swallowed forever. Gone. Missing in action, and you, Niska, waiting for me for years to return.”
- “I drink the rum and more is passed around. I take it greedily. Anything is better than another night of waiting for the shell to land close enough to kill us.”
- “The world seems suddenly less real than it was yesterday.”
- “A half moon floats above me. I let whatever this is pull me along, take me where it will.”
- “In a few hours I will fall and shatter on the rocks of this hard place, but for now I will float free of myself and won’t feel any pain.”
- “He sees a bird floating on a current of air on the horizon and focuses on it. Elijah is flying.”
- “The medic has time only for the wounded.”
- “Death is everywhere around them in the forest, staring at them from behind trees. But something far worse than death crouches close by. It is felt rather than seen. It waits for the moment when they close their eyes to approach.”
- “Their eyes have the look of long and terrible fighting, of seeing things that men should not be witness to, the same look that is in my eyes, I should think. For them, at least, the war is over. I wish I could say the same for myself.”
- “Sometimes I find myself hoping that Elijah will go too far, will be killed in action. I will be able to rest easier then, my conscience clean enough at least to turn myself in for what has been done, to the woman and the child, to Grey Eyes and the lieutenant, to the countless others Elijah has surprised and massacred in the night. The others watch Elijah in action, say that he is brave, a warrior of the highest order. To me he is mad. I am the only one to know Elijah’s secrets, and Elijah has turned himself into something invincible, something inhuman. Sometimes, though, I feel as if I’m going mad too.”
- “It seems as if Elijah knows that something approaches. An end to this, maybe.
- “What’s mad is them putting us in trenches to begin with. The madness is to tell us to kill and to award those of us who do it well. I only wish to survive.”
- “If I choose my words right, and speak from that place inside that tells no lies, he will hear.”
- “You made up your mind not to be afraid.”
- “The arrow whispered off, moving quickly across the distance.”
- “I allow myself to believe that I am Elijah. In this way he is still alive.
- “He lies there a long time, staring down at the world below. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a cigarette, lights it and inhales. He unstraps the rifle from his back and peers through the scope into the night. There isn’t much light, just the rage of battle on the horizon. He focuses in on that, the dancing colors just like the Wawahtew back home. He cannot escape thinking of the place he comes from on this night. He slips off the safety and aims at the dancing colors, squeezes the trigger, firing a single bullet into the night.”
- “By tomorrow we’ll be home.”
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:32 PM | View comments | |-
