Jones' Jarbs
... Things to say
| 83. J.A.R.B - To myself. | 82. J.A.R.B - Sense | 81. J.A.R.B - Loss | 80. J.A.R.B - Mad beats | 79. J.A.R.B - Work it out. | 78. J.A.R.B - Where now? | 77. J.A.R.B - Goodnight moon | 76. J.A.R.B - For you | 75. J.A.R.B - Just one lifetime | 74. J.A.R.B - Spinning | Current
Sunday, May 21, 2006
84. J.A.R.B - Wake up call
And then it hit me. I knew who I had become, typical of me not to make a simple speed check. Thanks for the wake up call. Now I know why. Too much control, too much comfort. Who knew there were spikes underneath all these pillows. Too many nice things; and I thought this would never last. I could get away with it all. Why? Because I had become the person I loathed. I had become exactly what I didn’t want to be; and egomaniac. Let’s take this apart; biopsy on my dying personality. Let’s find it before it gets big. But all I wanted now is the friendships I know now I’ve destroyed, the people I know now I’ve stepped on. All I wanted was some fun. Careful, I’ll watch where I step now; vulnerable. Watch out; they’re aiming at me this time around. Flash; where did the lights go? Hard to see. Where now? What now? Time left, time gone; make it last, make it change. Fix this, getting steeper. What’s wrong; need to know before I hit the ground.
Why am I even writing this? Why would I want to let everyone know I’m a jackass? I don’t even know that. But maybe it’s just because that’s all I have to write about now. Maybe it’s because this document is all I can turn to lately. Everyone’s got their problems; maybe this is just my way of dealing with them? Or maybe it’s because I’d like to let the people around me know that I’ll try my best to change. A few more laughs before we leave here. Maybe it’s because I’d like to let the people who I’ve wronged know now that I’m aware of what I’m becoming. And I want you to know that it’s not something I want to be. This isn’t what I was aiming for. I used to be the victim, now I have become the criminal. I don’t know how, but something went wrong. And I’m going to try my best to fix it. I apologize now for being who I am. I do not want to be this way, and I’ll repeat; I’ll try my best to fix it.
I'm sorry.
-Jones.
its a steady change, one hard to notice, by anyone but sometimes it shows more than others. hah ur not really a dick or a jackass...cocky..hahaha u egomaniac u... I guess ur writing it down to feel better about urself. it helps. i do it all the time. blogging as a refuge. especially with our tight clique of blogger friends. its chill. its all cool man..its all cool. dont change who u r, just how u act. they are two diff things. ur not an ass, but u can act like one.
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