Jones' Jarbs
... Things to say
Thursday, March 30, 2006
66. J.A.R.B - Where no one knows your name
There’s a certain freedom of a place where no one knows your name. Because it’s a grand ability to do as you wish. There’s a certain enjoyment in knowing the next thing you do won’t matter. No one knows your name. No one will remember this. It’s a grand feeling to know that your actions can come without a reaction. Defy physics; that should be fun. No one knows your name, but they’d remember that. Do exactly what they tell you isn’t to be done. You can judge your own thoughts, your own words this time. You can tell right from wrong. Right from left. Can’t you? Or did you just cross the line… All well. They don’t know your name, they won’t remember this. But you will. Speak out and be heard. Play the tape back when you’re done. Do you know your name? Or is it time to find out, before no one knows?
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:13 PM | View comments | |- 
Saturday, March 25, 2006
65. J.A.R.B - This one's just another rambling blog
It all seemed to be coming together. Problems were being solved. You’re there. Mellow song in the background, thinking of this; of new things that I’m now comfortable with, life was taking shape. I’ve convinced myself that high school will be fine. I’ll learn, and as long as we stay in touch, I’ll still be able to feel a lot of what I’ve called home for the past two years. And only two, but wow… seems like forever. I’ve made my best friends here; I found myself here. I met you here. I don’t want to leave; but who does. It’s the little things I’m gonna miss. The smiles every day, the waves down the hall. But hey, change can be good. I feel that I’m breaking out of these rules that have been set before me, maybe just a little bit. I’m changing; I like it.
The world is changing, as it always does. In fact; the only constant thing in life is change. And all of a sudden I just felt really good. That was a good change. This time it was for the better. Its closing time; and I know who I want to take me home. – Happy birthday.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 9:42 PM | View comments | |-
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
64. J.A.R.B - Wing it.
I decided to throw the plan away. I was too good for that plan. No pre-set rules were going to get in me way. I’m wingin this one. Think it up on the way; it’ll be more fun that way. Let the words come to my mouth as I’m speaking. Let them leave without a thought. I’ll act before I let myself think of the consequences. I’ll let myself fly without realizing I’ve no wings. Judge the moment, feel the moment. Make the moment. Rush past the bad moment, we didn’t come here for the bad part. Leave those thoughts behind. Don’t assess; act. Don’t think; just do. Do whatever you feel. Feel whatever you do. Don’t think it. Wing it. Carry out all those dreams you dreamed; but never realized. Do all those things you promised yourself you’d do. But don’t think about it. There’s probably a reason you haven’t done it yet. Wing it.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 8:11 PM | View comments | |-
63. J.A.R.B - Please, don't cry.
Soon we will be without a home. But please don’t cry. We’ll all find new ones, and maybe, if we all try hard enough, we’ll be able to hold on to this one; for just a little bit longer. And maybe, in that little bit longer, we’ll be able to come to terms with this; and make the best of it. Please, don’t cry. Please, don’t leave this place in tears. Don’t leave this place thinking of the bad days; don’t leave this place without anything to leave. Instead, live. Life has always been there for us; waiting. Please, don’t cry. Accept what you’ve done here, take it in, but don’t stop; keep going. Don’t leave this place thinking of leaving; laugh instead. Make more memories while we still have the time. And please, don’t cry. Please, don’t try and tell yourself this isn’t happening; it is. Don’t tell yourself that it’ll all be ok; we’re all going to suffer here. But the faster you realize that, the faster you can forget the pain. But please, don’t forget about the good times you had, don’t move on too fast, we’ve still got time. Please, don’t cry. Most of all; don’t forget you. Never forget the person that this place has made you into. That person is a great one. Never forget who you are, because it is then when you are truly lost. Never forget the hands that molded you into you, never forget the moments that formed the ones to come. Never forget the times you turned your back to the crowd. That was when you really found out who you were. Who you are. Never let yourself become something that isn’t true. Nobody likes a faker; as nobody likes a cheater. And please; never forget me; I won’t forget you. Don’t cry.
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 5:30 PM | View comments | |-
62. J.A.R.B - The five people you meet in heaven.
Another book, and, not quotes this time, but lessons.
The first lesson; we are all connected. “That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind. […] The human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone; it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed.”
The second lesson; sacrifice. “Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. A mother works so her son can go to school. A daughter moves home to take care of her sick father.”
The third lesson; forgiving. When you don’t forgive, when you don’t forget, you’re stuck. It stops you from moving forward, because you’re still blaming something else for your own problems.
The fourth lesson; love. “Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.”
“Life has to end,” she said. “Love doesn’t.”
The last lesson. You can always re-pay; you can always make it up. No matter what you have done, there is always some way to make it better. Never give up on a friendship, because there is no deed unforgivable. Never let go of something you hold dearly, even if it’s too tattered to hold on to, there is some way to re-build it. In life and in death, there is never a total loss.
- Views from “the five people you meet in heaven” by Mitch Albom.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 4:30 PM | View comments | |-
Saturday, March 18, 2006
61. J.A.R.B - Three Day Road - Brace yourself; this one's the longest Jarb on record.
Well then, another novel finished, and, I’ve managed to not post any of the quotes for half of it. So here’s half a book’s worth of interesting little moments.
- “He is disappearing in front of my eyes, sitting across the fire with a blanket over his shoulders, the smoke causing him to shimmer. I feed him with my story instead. He’s listening, I think, his eyes staring at the water.”
- “I couldn’t move. That’s when it dawned on me that maybe I wasn’t the hunter anymore.”
- “Words. The rumors fall like rain here.”
- “I can see how the men are quite even though they now have a day to themselves without worry of dying.”
- “But here Elijah is something more than just a bird, something more than the rest. Bigger and yet still more slight. Invisible.”
- “The only cure is time”
- “The only sight at The Brickfields that is not depressing is straight up in the air. Despite the wreck of the world below, the birds continue to fly above as if nothing has changed.”
- “You must realize once more, Nephew, that in this world of hardship we must grasp the moments that are offered to us.
- “The not-knowing was a strange relief.”
- “I smiled at this story, my first smile in months, it seemed. For the first time in a very long time I felt sure now of my next move.”
- “They are not good from concealing thoughts from their faces.”
- “I can’t worry, me, about what I can’t control.”
- “It is the wrong time for melancholy, it will ruin his mood, and so he straps his rifle on his back and makes his way out the window of the tower and onto the ledge.”
- “The quite is unsettling”
- “I look around at the ruins and wonder if this place will ever heal”
- “The booms of the guns sharp in the cold air.”
- “I watch the raiders slip from the trench and get eaten by the night.”
- “The cruelty of living and dying can be astounding.”
- “I stared at the wound for days, watched as blood seeped through the white bandage, life leaking out of me in a trickle. Maybe it was then that I decided to die.”
- “My mind could not focus on the field, and that is dangerous when what you hunt hunts you as well.”
- “I run my finger along the cold flat metal of a bullet casing and wonder what is happening all around me.”
- “The world explodes around me, shells landing fifty and a hundred yards ahead, wreaking the German line. I order my mind to drift, to shut down, but it will not.”
- “For a second I wonder if this will be the last morning of my life.”
- “The whole earth is on fire in front of me, exploding in huge fountains of mud and fire. I can feel the rumble below me, through me, swallowing me.”
- “I think that in a little while no one will be left but me. The world has gone almost silent in my head but for a deep hum and what sounds like the faraway surge of waves crashing on a beach and then pulling away. I try not to think, but a memory of me playing on the muddy shore of the great salt bay comes to me, a presence near me, my watchful aunt protecting me. You, Niska. I don’t know why I think of you now as bullets zing by my head so close that they whisper to me. One cuts through my coat and I can feel my side burning. I think I have been shot but the pain is almost absent, just an annoying bite. I begin to mouth your name over and over, like a protection against the bullets. Niska, I whisper as I run up the hill and approach a stretch of barbed wire. Niska. Niska. Niska. Niska. Niska. I realize as I stumble and fall to my knees that the sound of the waves crashing in my head is my own breathing.
- “The men around us stare at me as I stand up and walk away. Me, I won’t let them forget who I am.”
- “It is like a game to him, but behind his friendly smile burns an obsession that is frightening. I fear many things in this place, but I do not want to fear my friend.”
- “A mist rises all around and in the darkness I’m reminded of my first month in this place, when it seemed I’d been thrown into an underworld full of skulls and quick, brutal, death. So much has changed since then. I realize that the place hasn’t changed. It’s me.”
- “The story is not a happy one, but something in me has to tell it.”
- “If Elijah can come back to me, he will help me. We will fight together again, fight against this medicine that consumes us. We will get better together. He will help me overcome the pain and I will help pull him from the war madness that swallowed him whole. Where is he?”
- “A bomb from under a plane screams through the cold air. Then we hear the whomp of splintering wood as it pierces wood and the tiny breath of silence before an explosion.”
- “And still the rain falls and the shells pound and churn the mud. That is my nightmare, to be wounded and in my agony, sinking into the mud to be swallowed forever. Gone. Missing in action, and you, Niska, waiting for me for years to return.”
- “I drink the rum and more is passed around. I take it greedily. Anything is better than another night of waiting for the shell to land close enough to kill us.”
- “The world seems suddenly less real than it was yesterday.”
- “A half moon floats above me. I let whatever this is pull me along, take me where it will.”
- “In a few hours I will fall and shatter on the rocks of this hard place, but for now I will float free of myself and won’t feel any pain.”
- “He sees a bird floating on a current of air on the horizon and focuses on it. Elijah is flying.”
- “The medic has time only for the wounded.”
- “Death is everywhere around them in the forest, staring at them from behind trees. But something far worse than death crouches close by. It is felt rather than seen. It waits for the moment when they close their eyes to approach.”
- “Their eyes have the look of long and terrible fighting, of seeing things that men should not be witness to, the same look that is in my eyes, I should think. For them, at least, the war is over. I wish I could say the same for myself.”
- “Sometimes I find myself hoping that Elijah will go too far, will be killed in action. I will be able to rest easier then, my conscience clean enough at least to turn myself in for what has been done, to the woman and the child, to Grey Eyes and the lieutenant, to the countless others Elijah has surprised and massacred in the night. The others watch Elijah in action, say that he is brave, a warrior of the highest order. To me he is mad. I am the only one to know Elijah’s secrets, and Elijah has turned himself into something invincible, something inhuman. Sometimes, though, I feel as if I’m going mad too.”
- “It seems as if Elijah knows that something approaches. An end to this, maybe.
- “What’s mad is them putting us in trenches to begin with. The madness is to tell us to kill and to award those of us who do it well. I only wish to survive.”
- “If I choose my words right, and speak from that place inside that tells no lies, he will hear.”
- “You made up your mind not to be afraid.”
- “The arrow whispered off, moving quickly across the distance.”
- “I allow myself to believe that I am Elijah. In this way he is still alive.
- “He lies there a long time, staring down at the world below. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a cigarette, lights it and inhales. He unstraps the rifle from his back and peers through the scope into the night. There isn’t much light, just the rage of battle on the horizon. He focuses in on that, the dancing colors just like the Wawahtew back home. He cannot escape thinking of the place he comes from on this night. He slips off the safety and aims at the dancing colors, squeezes the trigger, firing a single bullet into the night.”
- “By tomorrow we’ll be home.”
-Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:32 PM | View comments | |-
Friday, March 17, 2006
60. J.A.R.B - Thank you, reader.
Well, well, what do we have here? 60 posts; and I’d like to thank you for reading all, well, maybe just some of them. I’d like to thank you for commenting every once in a while, and letting me know you get the message. I’d like to thank you for being the reader, because a voice is nothing without its audience. I’d like to thank you for reading, so this voice can speak. Speak the truth, and what I’ve been led to think is the truth, don’t trust everything I say, it’s often said in love, in hate, and in; let’s just call it a “state of high emotion”. That should do. I’d like to thank these web pages for getting the message out. I’d like to thank them for a way of saying it without making a speech, for I hate public speaking. Thank you for giving me the courage to say what needed to be said. And thank you, once again, for understanding, for listening to this voice, I’d be nowhere without a point to make.
- Jones.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:51 AM | View comments | |-
Thursday, March 16, 2006
59. J.A.R.B - Let's just pretend this never happened, OK?
There are a few ways of dealing with problems. You can avoid them, and you can face them, but let’s not forget, you can… forget them. As in; this poses as a problem, lets just forget about it, ok? As in, hmm, I’m really not in the mood to deal with this right now, let’s just change the subject. And that power, oh, that is a grand power. To be able to forget, at least for the time being, is beautiful. Because there’s no point in worrying when nothing can be done; in fact worrying only worsens the situation. I like to play it by ear; it’s much more fun; you should try it some time. So let’s just say that this never transpired, I didn’t ever read that, because I didn’t want to. At least for the time being; maybe later we can sort this out. Right now isn’t the time; I’m having a good time right now. Please, save your apologies, we can deal with them later.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 4:45 AM | View comments | |-
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
58. J.A.R.B - Lacking that "human touch"?
The web is a grand tool today. Imagine life without it; it’s hard to do. Imagine not being able to contact each other with just the click of a mouse. Oh, how I would miss you… Imagine trying to organize trade with china without e-mail. Imagine me, trying to show you what I’m trying to say, without this blog. But there is one downside. As we are able to communicate so easily through wires, we talk without being there. We don’t get together enough anymore, and end up feeling lonely, even though we’re always together, always plugged in. I think it takes away what’s really there in any given conversation. Just to see that smile of yours, instead of a colon and bracket. Sure I can imagine, but really, who wants to live in a world where all smiles are animated? Just to see the way we act, all of those expressions are gone, only text is left. Only electrical signals into characters forming words and sentences, and sentences, are far from feelings; far from who made them up. I think that, due to the web, all the world really needs now, is some more of that “human touch”. A little bit more love could be nice too, love never hurt anyone. Well, you know what I mean.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:42 AM | View comments | |-
Sunday, March 12, 2006
57. J.A.R.B - Interpretations
Funny, how a mood can change the way you interpret things. On sad days smiles seem sarcastic, and on good days, smiles are smiles; smiles are grand. I just re-read something, something which I’ve read a few times now. I read it well this time; other times I’d been in a bad mood, thinking down on what it had to say, and so, I thought it was a bad document. I found the negative in that document, and today I saw the good part. I don’t have anything to worry about anymore; and thank you for putting me into my place. Alas, this piece of literature must continue with the point; on with the J.A.R.B.
I found out today that everything must be handled in a calm fashion, you may act surprised when it is called for, but please, stay calm, and don’t count your hens before they hatch. Take is slow, don’t try anything that’s not been done before; there could be a reason no one’s tried it. Panicking will solve nothing, as thoughts leave when panic sets in. It’s hard to think strait while being bombarded with emotions, so leave them at home when you’re trying to solve this mess, they can return later, now’s not the time for emotion, no matter how fabulous. Now’s time to figure this out, so that maybe when emotion returns it can be happy. Maybe last time you checked, you only saw anger, when there was truly trust, truly, no betrayal. Next time, look before you act, maybe even twice, you might not see what’s really there. That could just be your own mind talking.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 8:59 AM | View comments | |-
Friday, March 10, 2006
56. J.A.R.B - Words.
There is an amazing power beheld in the written; or spoken word. To be able to instill upon someone an idea, a though; to inspire, is a great power. These words flow; always with the unseen flaws, but those don’t matter for now, because we can see the emotions behind them. To be able to scream the word love without using l-o-v-e is an amazing capability.
And lies, oh, lies are even better. Imagine being able to get away with anything; just after a little persuasion. Imagine being able to hide hate in words for a friend. Imagine betrayal, when loyalty vanishes to deep within your conscious, deep where decisions aren’t really made, but thought up. Imagine being able to lie to yourself. To put yourself in a world where things are the way you want them to be, even though they aren’t. Imagine being able to tell yourself that there is no reason to hold back. Even when you know; just what is. Imagine being able to let the words, the thoughts, the meanings; flow without restrain, imagine life without these minutes I spend attempting to say what nobody can, what no word can sum up. Emotion; everything at once, all sides of this everlasting story we call life. Imagine sitting down and simply letting it out, letting it all out, the good and the bad. Imagine someone reading this and knowing exactly how I feel. That won’t ever happen, but for only one reason. I am not you. You are not me. But we can still get by; you get my drift at least, don’t you? Imagine not having to hold back those thoughts of hate and love, of distrust and honesty, imagine if we couldn’t. That would cause the ultimate anarchy. And so, because I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I’ll stop. Until next time something inspires me, farewell.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:20 PM | View comments | |-
55. J.A.R.B - A little Napoleon, please?
I’ve seen it; I’ve seen the way you act. I’ve heard the truths untold, and today, I figured it out. The bad goes unsaid, and the good is put front row center. This doesn’t scare me. I know how you work now, and knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Don’t try anything, or I might just have to use it. You are the ultimate leader, but we don’t have to know the ways in which you do it. They are good ways; yet for the wrong reasons; perfect actions and bad intentions. But you don’t want, or need to tell us that. We take it as an omen when you do something good, because we accept you as our grand good one. You are the chosen, to forever leave those lies untold. Watch your six.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 7:17 PM | View comments | |-
Monday, March 06, 2006
54. J.A.R.B - My conscious just got the best of me, here's what it had to say.
I haven’t written in a while. So I decided I would. Not that there’s nothing to write about. There’s a lot to say, many ways to say it, but considering this is #54th, it’s hard not to repeat myself. Please excuse the “emo” ness; I’m in a bad mood right now. I’ve been having trouble getting my thoughts across; wouldn’t it be nice if thoughts could be simply put into words. Onto a website, so that you could all see what I’m saying… wouldn’t it be nice if we could eliminate this middle ground where I fumble with words to try and communicate feelings? Oh, hold on, I’ve already blogged about that. I’ve been feeling all stuffed up lately. Too many feelings to get out; frustration, bliss, admiration, confusion, wondering what’s really going on. It seems everyone else’s world is falling apart, and I’ve become one to stand by and watch. I’ve been trapped where I feel confined by a lack of problems, and no way to help others, as I haven’t been through anything before. I just wish I could take some of the heat for you. I wish you didn’t have to go through this; I just wish. But that’s all I can do. Wow, this is an impressive train of thought, the reader won’t know the half of it though; I’ve deleted many words… Not very complete, but I think you can tell what I’m feeling… maybe, a bit… oh who knows anymore. What’s the whole point of this blogging thing? So that we can show people exactly how we’re feeling, so that we can show the world our hearts, our insides? I think this train of thought is getting the best of me. I’ll stop before it gets out of hand and I start saying things like “What’s the whole point of this…” Hold on, been there, sorry. Bye for now, I’ll try to leave a happier impression next time. That’s really the case, I’ve simply allowed my own conscious to tell me otherwise tonight, please, don’t let yours tell you something’s wrong.
- Jones posted this bad boy on 6:38 PM | View comments | |-
